Key Points:
- Building a friendship with an autistic person starts with understanding and respecting their differences.
- Practical tips like clear communication, patience, and flexibility help create meaningful connections.
- Empathy and small, thoughtful actions can go a long way in making an autistic friend feel valued and supported.
Friendships are some of the most rewarding relationships people can have — and that includes friendships with autistic children. Many parents, teachers, and peers wonder how to deal with an autistic friend in a way that’s kind, respectful, and effective.
Learning how to deal with an autistic friend doesn’t mean treating them like a project or solving them; it means learning to meet them where they are and cherishing who they are. Here’s a guide to help parents and children alike navigate these friendships with empathy and understanding.
Can You Be a Good Friend to an Autistic Person?
Yes, absolutely — anyone can be a good friend to an autistic person, as long as they’re willing to learn and adapt. Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), simply means that a person’s brain processes the world differently. That might include differences in communication, social cues, or sensory experiences.
Being aware of these differences is the first step to understanding how to deal with an autistic friend. With compassion and some practical strategies, you can create a friendship that is both supportive and mutually enjoyable.
Understanding Autism and Friendship
Before diving into tips, it helps to understand how autism can affect friendships. Autistic people might struggle with things like small talk, eye contact, or group conversations. They may have special interests that they love to talk about at length. They might feel overwhelmed in loud or crowded environments.
This doesn’t mean they don’t want friends — many do! They simply may need friendships that are more straightforward, predictable, and accepting. Being a good friend to someone on the autism spectrum is about respecting these needs while enjoying the things you have in common.
How to Deal With an Autistic Friend: Practical Tips
Here are actionable ways to support and strengthen your friendship with an autistic person.
Be Clear and Direct in Communication
Autistic people may find it hard to pick up on hints or read between the lines. Sarcasm, metaphors, or subtle body language can sometimes be confusing. To help:
- Say what you mean directly and kindly.
- If you’re making plans, be specific about the time and place.
- If something bothers you, gently explain instead of expecting them to “just know.”
Respect Their Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries, but for autistic individuals, sensory sensitivities or social exhaustion might make certain situations uncomfortable. They might not want to hug, or they may need alone time after socializing. Show respect by:
- Asking before touching or hugging them.
- Giving them space if they seem overwhelmed.
- Avoiding pressuring them into activities they clearly dislike.
Learn About Their Interests
Many autistic people have intense interests, sometimes called “special interests,” which they love to talk about and share. Engaging with their interests can strengthen your bond:
- Ask them about what they enjoy and really listen.
- Join them in activities related to their interests if you can.
- Even if you don’t share the same passion, show genuine curiosity and respect.
Being Patient and Flexible
Friendships don’t have to follow a script, and that’s especially true when learning how to deal with an autistic friend. Here are some ways patience and flexibility can help:
Allow Time for Responses
Some autistic individuals may take longer to process what’s said and respond. Don’t rush them or finish their sentences. Give them the time they need to communicate.
Be Open to Different Ways of Socializing
They may prefer one-on-one time instead of big group outings. They might enjoy parallel play (doing activities side by side without much talking), which is still a meaningful way to connect.
Understand Meltdowns or Shutdowns
If your autistic friend becomes overwhelmed and has a meltdown or withdraws, remember that it’s not personal. Give them space and time to recover, and offer quiet support if they’re open to it.
What Not to Do When Dealing With an Autistic Friend
It’s just as important to know what to avoid when building a healthy friendship. Here are some common mistakes to watch out for:
- Don’t speak down to them or treat them like a child (unless they are a child).
- Don’t assume they don’t want friends just because they seem shy or quiet.
- Don’t try to change their personality to make them “fit in” more.
- Don’t ignore them in group settings; include them, but let them set their own pace.
How Parents Can Support Their Child’s Friendship With an Autistic Peer
Parents play a key role in teaching their children how to deal with an autistic friend. Explain to your child that everyone is different and that differences should be respected, not feared or mocked. Encourage your child to:
- Be patient and kind.
- Include their autistic friend in games or activities.
- Speak clearly and avoid teasing.
- Stand up for their friend if others are being unkind.
Autistic people, just like anyone else, benefit greatly from supportive relationships. Friendships can help reduce feelings of loneliness, build confidence, and teach important social skills. A good friend who understands their unique needs can make a lasting, positive difference in their lives.
Helping Families and Friends Support Autism
At the heart of learning how to deal with an autistic friend is empathy. You don’t need special training or fancy tools to be a good friend — just a willingness to understand, respect, and care. When you focus on what you have in common, while appreciating what makes your friend unique, you create a connection that enriches both your lives.
Friendship is just one piece of the puzzle when supporting someone with autism. Professional help can also make a big difference. Empower ABA offers compassionate, individualized ABA therapy in Virginia, New York, and New Jersey, helping children develop important communication, social, and daily living skills.
If you want guidance on supporting an autistic friend or family member, or if you’re looking for professional support to complement your care, contact us today. Our caring team is ready to help you and your loved ones thrive.